Logan MacGregor

Logan blew a stream of smoke and watched it rapidly disperse in the chill wind. He leaned back in the metal-mesh deck chair and allowed himself a satisfied smile. Mince pies were a favorite holiday treat, but he hadn't taken the time to make them in years.

Working with Colin in the kitchen had brought back the memories of years ago, working alongside his father to make the Christmas dinner, and the fact that Colin knew the process as well as he had made things go more smoothly than he'd expected. The two had joked and bantered as they worked, and for the first time in longer than he could remember, Logan had felt a taste of being home for the holiday.

His thoughts strove to take a darker turn, wanting to go over the information Ryan had told him about pigment, but he blocked them out, inhaling deeply of the cigarette as he tried to let his suspicions ease off quietly. The mental judo seemed to have worked, and his smile braodened a little as he watched Colin and the new ghost, Tear, walking around the yard together, playing with the dog.

Was it possible for ghosts to find happiness with each other? He hoped so, for it seemed the boy certainly deserved some. And if not on Christmas, when?

The sliding glass door opened, and Logan looked over as the detective, CJ, stepped out. The mug in her hands steamed as she walked over, and he could smell the roasted aroma of coffee tinged with the alcoholic tang of Bailey's. He nodded pleasantly to her as he took another drag off the cigarette and she sat down in one of the nearby chairs.

"Penny for your thoughts?" she said softly as she took a sip of her drink. Her mouth quirked into a pleasant smile as she swallowed, and he felt compelled to return the grin.

"Just glad for a Happy Christmas, lass", he replied, knocking the ashes off and into the grass.

She nodded, taking another sip of the warm brew. It amazed her, the sounds from the night. A dog barking, rustling against the bushes nearby. From her balcony in midtown, CJ had heard only the constant roar of the highways, the city's pulse and rhythm. Even now she missed those things, little signs of home. And of comfort.

Leaning forward in her chair, she held her mug in her hands, her knees resting on her elbows. "It's hard to believe it's Christmas. Though, I have to admit," she glanced back at the doorway she'd stepped through. "This is the first one I've spent with a group of people - almost feels like home." She sighed. "Almost."

When Logan nodded, but remained silent, she focused on his shadowed face. "Look, I know we got off to a rather rocky start, but I wanted to say that I admired your marksmanship today. It felt good to know you were there, and on our side."

He smiled, then. "Always nice to be appreciated. I know...", he took a deep drag before dropping the cigarette butt and crushing it beneath his foot. He looked away from CJ as he quickly lit a fresh one. What could he say without jeopardizing the fragile trust he'd begun to build?

"I have tae admit, it's nice tae have a real, clear-cut enemy for a change. It's been awhile." Logan continued to smoke, though again he had to let himself slow down and relax. "I don't know if this will ever feel like home. Not really." Another puff. "But it'll do for now."

Nodding, CJ took another sip of her coffee, the Starbucks blend doing its job in revitalizing her spirits. There was something she wanted to say, something she needed to know.

Something...personal. "Logan..." CJ swallowed. "Yesterday...Sean told me about you...and Colin." With a deep breath, she continued, not giving him a chance to respond. "I wish you'd have said something that day at the funeral. I'm not sure it would've made a difference - I was a different person then. I guess I should have figured it out. If I were half the detective people thought I was, I would have.

"Sean also told me that you don't want Colin to know, and I'm sure it has lots to do with your past," her thoughts rested briefly on his confession to her about his working for NextWorld, but she dismissed them. "I'll abide by your choice. It's not my place to say - as I was reminded of this earlier. But I think you should tell him...one day."

Logan held the smoke in his lungs longer than usual, savoring the warm tingle it produced, even as he felt a cough building. "I would nay blame yuirself for nay figuring it out. Ye no doubt asked Ian about any surviving family, and he told ye there were none?"

"He never spoke of a sibling, so I never thought to ask. I assumed Colin had been an only child."

"So he was, for all intents and purposes." Logan angrily stamped out the cigarette but didn't light another one.

Shrugging as the cough erupted despite his efforts to control it, he remembered once more the last time he'd spoken to his grandfather, when the man had disowned him for his past actions. Warned him never to speak to anyone in the family again. "He was nay happy with me career path", he said wryly. "Nor most any choice I ever made. I dared not say anything the day of the funeral - the...legal entanglements would have been bloody inconvenient. Though", he grinned mischeviously, "had ye checked with the Probate Courts tae see who eventually wound up inheriting me dad's estate, ye might have been surprised. Considering how long it took them tae settle it all out, and the, ah..." Logan's eyes darkened, and a trace of anger briefly clouded his mind. "Lack of priority his case was given, I'm nay at all shocked it didn't come up."

He eyed Colin and Tear, standing across the yard beneath one of the barren oak trees while the dog rested at their feet, panting from the exertions of playing fetch with the two ghosts. "And I will tell Colin. When the time is right."

CJ's gaze hardened. She suspected Logan had not been blaming her withl his remark on Colin's case receiving low priority - but the barb hurt, the wound still smarting. "My priority was with your brother's death, not who inherited Sean's estate. And as for Colin's case being given a lack of priority, I nearly lost my..." she stopped.

It wasn't important - not now. Not to him. Who cared whether or not she nearly lost her badge for obsessing over a single case. A case that had become personal. A case that even Nathan had warned her would lose her her life, if not her job.

Logan narrowed his eyes, but his respect for the woman climbed a notch. His instincts had been right on the money that day - she did blame herself for not making sure Ako paid for his crimes.

She took a sip of coffee, too much too fast, and hissed. Closing her eyes she said softly, "I'm sorry we didn't nail him." She lowered her shoulders. "I didn't put him away."

He was aware of his own instinctive distaste for anyone in law enforcement, though that was more out of habitual avoidance than any wrongs, real or imagined, on their part. Managing to set that aside, at least temporarily, combined with her remarks, and the woman impressed him even more. Somehow, a minute vibration of sympathy for her emerged from parts of his soul he'd thought long dead and gone. Gently, unsure, he put what he hoped was a comforting hand on her knee. "It's nay yuir fault, lass. Ye caught the bastard - it was that other caffler what bagged the job." He ground his teeth and resisted the urge to light another cigarette.

To her surprise, Logan's words did comfort her, lessoned her guilt, carried forth for too long, and brought home every time she looked at Colin's ghost. It made her happy that at least the victim's brother, much like their grandfather, knew that Carver had something to do with Ako's release. She patted his tentative hand, then re-cupped hers around her cooling mug.

"Maybe if his own flesh and blood had nay failed him so much..." Logan withdrew his hand as his eyes drifted back out to where the boy's ghost seemed to be laughing at something the new lass had said. "Screw it", he muttered, and lit up again, stifling another cough as he did so.

She furrowed her brow and tilted her head to her shoulder as he coughed. "You really should quit that. Nasty habit." CJ sipped her coffee again. The Bailey's had started making her lightheaded. "I used to smoke - it's the reason most people on the phone think I'm a man."

Logan grinned around the cigarette. "Better than the habit it replaced. Besides", he blew a stream of smoke out and away from the two of them. "There's nay much chance of these killing me. Too many people would feel cheated."

The words reminded him of the hellish withdrawal from the drugs the NextWorld techs had administered to help him learn to skim, and he quickly suppressed the memory with a shudder. The worried thoughts of earlier tried to fight their way forward again, but he savagely pushed them back, not willing to face the possibility of the poisons that still flowed through his veins.

"So why'd ye stop smoking, then?", he asked the brunette, latching on the chance to turn the conversation away from himself.

CJ shrugged. "Nathan - one of my partners." Her smile widened at the memories of a happier time. "He - we - started dating not long after we were assigned together. He wasn't a health nut, not by a long shot. But he detested smoking. For Christmas two years ago, he asked me to marry him. I said yes...and he," she topped, allowing the memory of that beautiful night spent by the fire in that cabin in Dahlonega to warm her Christmas Eve glow. "He only wanted one thing that year." She turned her gaze to Logan. "He asked me to stop smoking so that we could grow old together." She looked at her mug. "Funny how life works. I finally quit, and he died on a pigment stake-out."

Logan frowned. "That's the drug Ryan talks about, aye? The one that binds yuir ghost?"

She nodded. "Something like that. One use, just one, and you become a Hue when you die. Black Heroin. We thought we'd found a manufacturing area, in a warehouse.." and that's it, Ceceliah. Stop. No more memories.

Odd how a day or two ago, she might not have been able to say those words aloud. And perhaps it was only Logan's newness - his loner persona - that allowed her to tell him. Or was it something else? Nothing about the way she felt about Nathan had changed. Nothing except her realization that he was no longer here...that sometimes a simple human touch won't exemplify her betraying him.

She sniffed - unsure if the action were because of her cold or because of the night air, or perhaps even her mixed emotions. "Until I met him, I'd always kept myself at a distance with co-workers, never getting involved. No complications. And I haven't since."

A small smile played across his lips, but he turned away to keep her from seeing it. "Probably for the best, lass."

She noticed his slight head turn and smirked. “I’m sure you’re an expert on no complications.” She glanced over at Colin. “I think, even if my father had ordered me to keep away from my own brother – I’d have still found a way to keep up with him. Even if from afar.” She deepened her smirk and leaned forward. “Unless it my exposure to him would have been a danger to his life.” She narrowed her eyes. “What exactly did you do for NextWorld?”

"What makes ye think I didn't?" The small spark of sympathy he'd managed to kindle snuffed almost instantly, even as he recalled all the times he's skimmed into their house. Visions of looking over Colin's shoulder as he did homework, played games, or ate dinner with their father.

She caught the subtle shift in Logan's attitude. Shit...you did it again Inzmann. That’s the way to warm up to the new guy. Now she had to figure out a way to ease the sting of her words – if it were possible.

Logan's tone was measured, even. "Don't ask questions ye don't want answers tae, lass."

She’s opened her mouth to try to apologize. Until he offered her a challenge. CJ gave him a half smile. What could he possibly have done that would frighten her? She in turn returned his tone. “Logan, I’m not totally ignorant of NextWorld’s practices. I doubt you’ve done anything that would really surprise me.”

A slow smile crept across his face. "If ye know what NextWorld was about, ye know we did nothing worse than Orpheus. We were just a little more open about it."

"Orpheus was nothing like Nextworld", she retorted angrily. "We had legitimate clients, and kept all of our activities above board. Hell, I should know. I spent 12 hours in a tank to insure our continued relationship with the APD."

"So? I'm sure Terril & Squibb did too. But Orpheus' jobs and assignments didn't include assasinations,
or blackmailing."

His smirking expression fell a bit into a look of confusion, but the professional poker face returned almost
instantly. "Must have been mistaken. Happens tae the best of us."

Her eyes narrowed. "You're having a hard time with something here...what is it?"

He tapped out a cigarette and lit it, taking a few deep puffs, ignoring her question.

She shook her head at the cigarette as he lit it. "Look, I'm sorry about my earlier statement. I'm sure you kept an eye on Colin, when you could. And probably skimmed as well. You'll have to excuse me. I'm afraid I've had a bit more Bailey's than I should."

The Irishman grinned again. "I wondered how much ye'd added. Was there actually any coffee in that?"

The ex-cop sneered at him. "I'm not drunk, Logan. And I'm not so dull as to miss what I think you were just on about. With Orpheus. And NextWorld." She shrugged and finished her coffee.

"As ye say, lass." The man's expression gave nothing away, and he carefully let the grin evaporate into a neutral face while the woman was staring at the bottom of her coffee cup.

She stirred for a minute. "I'm a cop, Logan. That's all I've ever known. And then one day, I found myself as a
projector. And now I'm a fugitive. I know nothing about running. I'm the one that chases those who run." CJ looked up at him. "You have experience in this - and that's not a cut, nor a barb. It's the truth. And I believe you can help us in the situation we've found ourselves in." She stood and looked at her coffee.

He looked over at her. "Cut or nay, lass, it is the truth. And I can help ye. I would nay be here otherwise." He sighed. "I've been running from one thing or another for most of me life." He blew a couple of smoke rings and stared out at the night sky.

She looked over at him as he spoke, unsure if he were truly going to talk to her. Talk, or share barbs. She was tired of fighthing. With the law, or with her team mates. CJ laughed inwardly. One mission with him and I already feel he's a teammate. "Then," she started when he continued looking out at the night. "Do you ever get used to it? Or do you wish it would end?"

Logan looked up at the stars, trying to decide what he could say. Her reminder of her past as a cop clammed
up much of what he'd considered telling the attractive brunette. There were some things she just wasn't ready for, even if she thought she was. "Ye get used tae it, lass. But ye still wish it would end."

She shook her head. "I'm not going to get used to it. I feel trapped. I hate feeling...hemmed in. I'm going to
suffocate here."

It had been years since he'd really thought about the truth behind his words, and a deep longing to be able to settle down somewhere, to not look over his shoulder all the time wrenched through him.

"It was kind of a game. Survivor, but without the bitchiness. All very professional, but with incredible
stakes. And now..." He shrugged.

The comment was unexpected, and CJ laughed out loud before clamping her hand over her mouth.

She listened to the rest of his words and nodded. Yet... "I'm sorry. I just...you sometimes say things I'm not
expecting. It's like you drive this hard front, and you seem mostly jovial, and then you're serious, and then you say something like that." CJ put a hand to her head. "You're gonna give me a headache."

She nodded. "True." CJ shivered. "So, will you except my apology for earlier? I wasn't intending on picking at you about Colin. It was just a shock to me - yesterday morning. I wasn't expecting that kind of news first thing in the morning."

CJ nodded, then looked at Logan. "How'd you know it was Sean? You knew he was in my room?"

Logan nodded again. "Saw him taking coffee upstairs, and Ryan said it was for ye. He seems the fun sort." The skimmer grinned slyly as he inhaled another breath of smoke.

The coffee mug felt cold in her hands and she nodded quickly. "Yes. He brought me coffee. I - no one's done that for me before." She glanced at Logan. "Yeah, Ryan's a fun sort. Sometimes." She stared at her mug.

"I meant Sean." The Irishman winked at her. He stood up and crushed the cigarette under his shoe, then seeing her look of disapproval, picked up the assorted butts and dumped them into a small clay ashtray on the patio table.

CJ looked quickly away and kept her gaze on the two ghosts playing in the yard with the dog. "Sh-sean...yes. He's a fun sort too."

The temptation to make a further comment was strong, but Logan forced it down with practiced ease. Remembering the other man's reaction to his teasing flick of the nipple ring, Logan considered offering it
as a suggestion. It seemed likely she could figure that out on her own, however.

She nodded to the yard. "So...what do you think about the memeber newer than you?" Change the subject, change the subject...

"Colin seems tae like her. Certainly can't begrudge him any happiness he's able tae find."

"Yeah. I want Colin happy. And I'm determined to keep him that way." Okay, that was a bit forceful. Reel it in. So, it's obvious he suspects something happened in her room with Sean. Why, she had no idea. Unless the skimmer'd said something.

Logan's eyes narrowed. "Ye asked me what Colin was tae me, and I think we're agreed I've got me reasons. But why are ye so concerned?"

He nodded. "Ye seem..." he shrugged."Protective of everyone here, tae some extent. But especially him."

She shrugged. "I - I'm just. I care about him. I want him happy. And I know now that you do too, and that's good."

She licked her lips. "Colin...Look, Logan - Colin was there, the first time I skimmed. And the first time I did my first mission. Colin has taught me so much. A kid. A ghost. A spirit that I wasn't able to save. What I saw.." she paused and gathered herself up. "I saw him as corpse first - and nearly died myself when
I realized who he was when I saw him at Orpheus on my first visit." She looked at Logan and realized the reasons weren't that important to keep inside. "I've vowed to take care of him, yes everyone - which
is why I got the van and got rid of the Ducati - but Colin in particular. I -" she looked directly at him. "I failed him. And though I know he doesn't blame me, I do."

Logan nodded slowly. "Ye've been there for him, at least ye tried tae do something. Which is more than his own blood can say." The man shuddered. No, his blood was off rotting in some prison cell because he was more worried about the money than in patching things up with his family. "Ye always think there's time, until there's not anymore."

CJ reached out before she could stop herself, and put a hand on Logan's knee. "Look, you did what you had to. I know that. Just understand that we all care about Colin and love him." She shook her head and thought of Nathan. "You're right...so whatever you do, make this time with his spirit count."

Is she ready for the truth? That I'm a murderer, a thief, and an assasin? He shook his head. "I was a selfish bastard, and look what it cost me."

"No, no," she shook her head. "Don't keep looking back." Memories of her dream returned - of Logan before the burning tree.

"Guess I'm hardly helping me case for staying, am I?" He managed a wry grin."I have tae look back, lass." Logan sighed again. "Tae remind me of what I'm atoning for."

"Look, when I brought you here, it was for the information. Now that I know about you and Colin, I think it's more now. You're here for a reason." She smiled at his comment. "True - just don't dwell there."

"Ye don't even know what it is", he told her ruefully. "Are ye nay still curious?" The tone was serious and playful at the same time. Part of him wanted her to ask, to give him the excuse to show off his burden and possibly lighten the load, but the rest screamed at him to stay silent.

"Okay," she pulled the chair closer to him and set her empty mug on the concrete. CJ put her hands together. "Tell me something. Something you did in your past, or recently. Get it off your chest. You won't surprise me."

He leaned back against the door, a thoughtful expression on his face. "How bad? I've done a few things that were almost noble."

He scratched at his three day growth of beard. "Of course that's the one that had me in prison most recently..."

"If you ever have to serve time somewhere, make it not Brazil." He shrugged. "Of course, I left their tender
care somewhat unexpectedly. Hence the outstanding warrant..."

"Do? I didn't ask. Given the money involved, it had to be drug related, though."

She put her hands in the air. "Drugs. That's a bit. Nothing surprising. Good for him. Was that the worst?"

"Logan, I'm not dull - I figured that if you workd for NextWorld, you did a bit of the assasin schtick." CJ put a
hand to her head and pulled back her hair. "Pick one."

He opened his mouth to speak, closed it, the gave her an amused look. "Allright. South Africa. Standard procedure was field agents never knew who we were working for, not really."

He chuckled. "Nay, we didn't know who the client was. Someone at NextWorld knew, probably. "But it doesn't take a lot of guesswork tae know who has the money - and the interest in mining - tae figure out
who the player was. Anyhow, they needed some spies, so I was sent tae do the recruiting. "

"I gave Ryan a little demonstration...a taste, as it were, as well." He stared back out at the night sky.

"It's a subtle application. Creating a visual illusion is the obvious one. Sounds are useful too. But most people never realize where the real power is."

He narrowed his eyes. "'Skiing accidents' are popular. A sudden loss of balance, or coordination..." He shrugged.

"That's still nothing." His face was calm, and there was no bragging in his tone."Here, a demonstration. Simple." Logan sat down cross-legged on the porch and easily slipped the bonds of flesh. "Makes an easy target in case ye decide I need tae be put down", he added wryly. The man leaned forward, looking into her
eyes even as his own spiraled into perfect silver mirrors, the irises and pupils fogging over.

CJ watched Logan's ethereal spirit for a second and nodded, still unsure of what he was doing.

"Now", Logan said, almost trancelike."That's what I gave Ryan...a taste."

CJ nearly choked as the abrupt sensation of the most forbidden of sweets filled her mouth. Rich, creamy, smooth. She closed her eyes, almost half expecting the feared allergic reaction to happen: the immediate closing of her throat, the constricting of her lungs...but none of that happen. There was only the sweet, dark,
creamy rich taste of chocolate.

"Now, lass, imagine yuir a ghost, who hasn't been able tae eat or taste for months or years."

He winced, and the flavor abrubtly vanished. "There should be nay effect. There's nay any actual substance tae it."

She sat forward, her hand out to him. "No, no...that's the point. I've never been able to enjoy it at all. Ryan
could, as a living man. But it can kill me." CJ smiled at him. "Thank you.."

He shook his head. "In any case, ye asked tae know something that was among the worst I've done..." He closed his eyes. "I gave that tae ghosts, in exchange for their help."

He nodded. "At first. And then they became addicted." He scowled. "I should never have given it tae Ryan, but I was showing off."

Addicted. The word rankled her. "You made them addicted to it?" She put her hands to the sides of the chair. Her slow drawing to coffee and its effects was starting to drive home to her. She was addicted to coffee - her life depended on it. And he lured poor ghosts to an addiction?

He nodded slowly, and though the remorse was within him, he didn't allow it to show. "Ye wanted tae know what I was capable of."

She nodded, all traces of pleaseure gone from her face. "Yes. You're right. I did."

"I deliberately drew them in...denied it to those who displeased me...and when our contract was up", he met her gaze evenly, his eyes back to their normal stormy blue. "I left them behind, and never looked back."

Her own cravings haunted her and she faced his stare with one of her own. "You bailed on them? You left them there alone with those longings? Their cravings?" She shook her head slowly, unable to form words through her anger.

"Yes, I left them there tae deal with it. It was nay my problem, I was just doing a job."

"How could you do that? There's no rational explanation for this!" She stood. "Yeah, I understand. Like you said before. It was the right price."

He nodded. "That's all it was." That was a lie. There was far more to it than that. He remembered the pain he'd gone through, the weeks of agony as the withdrawal from the drugs they'd inflicted on him ran its course. He remembered being drunk with power and mad at the world.

"I'm not sure if you're being here is such a good idea. What's the right price for us, Mr. Murphy? Or should I say, Mr. MacGregor?"

Logan's eyes drifted once more to the two oblivious ghosts in the yard. "I'd surrender me soul before I betrayed him, detective. Of course, knowing who already holds that marker, tis nay exactly worth all that much."

She took a single step toward him. "How do I know," she felt her anger rising, her need to defend them all. "How do I know that? I don't, Logan." She leaned forward, her finger out at him. "How do I knew you're not on retainer now? How do I know I didn't endanger everyone by inviting you in?" She straightened and ran her hands through her hair. "How could I have been so stupid?" her voice rose a notch. "How could I have done this?"

He shrugged. "It was foolish of ye. As ye said, ye nay know anything about living on the run."

The man stood and casually turned, exposing his back to her as he opened the door. "Consider this a lesson."

DON'T LOOK BACK

Last Updated: February 2, 2004 by Blake Sorensen

Christmas Eve Revelations

24 December, 2003